Don't touch me - Phan
by awesomesockes
Summary: PHAN ONESHOT! Contains: AU, angst, fluff, PTSD, mentions of kidnapping. Dan has developed PTSD after being kidnapped two years ago. Phil knows how to deal with him and tries to help him whenever he's feeling bad. danisnotonfire, AmazingPhil, Phan


**Prompt:** "_Kidnapping fic but focus on the aftermath? So it's a teenage AU and Dan was kidnapped but rescued blah blah but he has PTSD because he was abused by his captors. Maybe write about Phil and Dan's family trying to cope with Dan now he's different and trying to help him get better (Phil's Dan's boyfriend obvs). Idk, I love kidnapping fics but none of them focus on the aftermath and I think you'd be able to do it fantastically_"

"_Dan doesn't like to be touched when he's upset so Phil has to try and calm him down differently (e.g. breathing exercises) but in the end Dan gives in and crawls into Phil's arms and falls asleep or something.)_"

Someone asked for this^^ Of course. Here we go! (Phan oneshot)

**A/N: **This was kind of the prompt… But I want to write about this prompt again at some point (O.O)  
**Contains:** AU, fluff, angst, PTSD, mentions of kidnapping  
**Warning: **Angst, PTSD, mentions of kidnapping.  
**Phan status:** Together  
**Words: **3.308  
**POV:** Phil

**Don't touch me**

* * *

**Phil »**

"Are you okay?" I asked in the lowest voice I could manage so as not to get caught. Dan was bent over his desk, his head resting in his hands while he breathed heavily. His eyes were focused down on the papers below and his fingers were buried in his hair, nervously pulling at the locks.

"M'fine," Dan breathed out in a hushed tone as he gripped his hair tighter. "Everything's fine. J-just thinking," he assured me.

Our regular teacher was out for the day, so we had a supply teacher, which meant that he was unaware of Dan's issues. I glanced up in the teacher's direction to make sure he wasn't looking before I scooted a bit closer to Dan, making it possible for me to get a better look at him.

"Dan?" I tried to keep my voice to a whisper so that I wouldn't be a distraction, but some of the other students looked up curiously at us anyway.

"No talking! This is a test," the teacher suddenly snapped in our direction.

My eyes were still fixed on Dan, and I noticed him jump in his seat when the teacher spoke. Dan let out a small whimper and quickly moved his hands from his face to cover his ears instead, blocking out the world around him. His eyes were pinched tightly together and his fringe had started to curl at the ends because he was sweating.

He was obviously lying. I knew him well enough to tell that when he looked like this, he was anything but fine. Something must've triggered him and I knew I needed to get him out of there before the situation turned into something worse.

I nervously glanced around at my surroundings. When my eyes met the teacher's, he glared back at me sternly. Then he slowly started walking towards us, which only seemed to make Dan more nervous.

"Is there a problem over here?" the teacher whispered pointedly.

The closer he got, the more I could see Dan curl into himself, like he was expecting someone to hit him at any moment. My heart dropped to my stomach at the sight. I knew I had to think fast.

"Uhm…" I began, not really knowing what to say. Dan would be mortified if I just explained what was really going on in front of the entire class, but at the same time, I couldn't just sit there and watch him have a panic attack.

Then it hit me; the only way to keep Dan out of trouble would be to put all the attention on myself.

I did my best to make my breathing speed up to cover for Dan's.

"Could you please get back to the test?" the teacher said firmly.

"I… I'm sorry, sir. I'm really not feeling w-well," I murmured, clutching my stomach. My faked hyperventilation was actually making me feel light-headed, so I was almost starting to believe it myself. "I-I think I'm gonna be sick."

I groaned quietly and tried to look as unwell as possible, hoping that I could distract him enough not to notice Dan. The teacher raised an eyebrow at me, and I hoped I was being convincing enough.

"C-can I please leave?" I begged in a small voice. I placed my pen down on the table with unsteady moves to show him that I was shaking.

"You may go," he answered simply.

I nodded a thank you and quickly got up before he turned around to get back to the front of the class.

"_Come on_," I whispered to Dan as I stepped past him, praying that he would be able to hear me over his hitched breathing. "Everything's fine, Dan. Come on, let's go," I tried again.

He hurried out of his seat and pushed himself past the other students on his way out. I quickly followed him through the door. I heard the teacher yell something after me, but I didn't listen. I just closed the door behind us and rushed after Dan, who was already well on his way down the empty hall.

"D-don't…" Dan struggled to say, and kept walking quickly away from me. I maintained a safe distance from him, not wanting to trigger him any more. I would just have to wait for him to stop walking.

Dan was moving quite fast, and it was hard for me to keep up without running. Even though I was a ways away from him, I could hear how he was struggling to breathe.

"Dan, please slow down," I begged. "Please slow down." I kept repeating the command in a calm voice, hoping that he would hear me. I had to stop myself from grabbing his wrist to force him to stop walking. I knew all too well that I wasn't allowed to touch him when he was like this.

"N-No… No… I… you c-can't… st-stop…" he stuttered. I wasn't really sure if he was talking to me or to himself.

He turned left and ended up in a small room with only a couple of chairs and a little table standing in the corner. Besides that, it was empty.

I turned around to close the door so we could get some privacy from the people outside.

"Don't. You can't c-close it…" Dan begged.

"You're right. I'm sorry," I said in a calm voice and opened the door behind me again. We had to do this his way. But this was a school so anyone could walk by and make it worse.

"D-don't…" he started breathlessly. One hand was pressed against his chest, the other one clenched tightly, making his knuckles white.

"I'm not." I kept my tone as low as possible, but just strong enough for him to understand. I very slowly moved my hands out in front of me and spread out my fingers so he could keep a track on them. "See?" I asked.

Panicking, he moved his red eyes from one of my hands to the other, making sure I was keeping them still.

I took a few nervous steps in his direction, not wanting to get too close while he was like this. "I'm not doing anything, Dan," I said carefully. "Do you want to talk?"

"I-I don't want to be here."

I watched him carefully. His breathing was only turning faster as each second went by. It started to worry me. All the colour had disappeared from his cheeks and he looked more terrified than I'd seen him in a long time.

"I know, Dan. But everything's fine. Don't worry. Nothing here will hurt you," I assured him, and took a small step closer. I wanted to go near him and hold him until he felt better, but that was forbidden.

"Let me o-out…" he commanded shakily, through clenched teeth. "L-let me out, plea… I can't…"

"You're free to go, Dan. You can just walk out. Do you want that? Should we go outside?" I did my best to keep my tone steady. I didn't want to scare him any more than he already was.

"Let's sit down?" I suggested.

He kept stepping away from me and I could tell that his legs were about to give out by the way he was walking. I needed to get him to sit before it happened, but I wouldn't pressure him.

"Let's sit down?" I repeated. I couldn't be sure if he was able to hear me, so I had to ask over and over.

Eventually his back hit the wall at the end of the room. He let out a small cry and placed both of his hands flat against the wall.

His breathing hit record speed. I could tell that his flashbacks were starting again—ones in which he's locked in a small room and men walk towards him to pin him against the wall, holding him so tight he can't breathe. Over the years, Dan had shared bits and pieces of it with me, but no one really knew exactly what had happened. All we could be sure of was that it had changed his life forever, as well as mine.

Moments like his made me feel light-headed and dizzy. Mostly because I felt sorry for him, but also because I was so scared I wasn't good enough. That I couldn't fix him. That I couldn't change the way he was feeling. It hurt me almost as much as the memories hurt Dan.

"Let's sit down?" I tried one more time. I had to make my words sound like questions rather than commands. It was important that it was his choice—that no one was controlling him.

"Dan. You're going to pass out…" I told him in a subdued tone. He was still pressed against the wall and I could see that he was really having trouble breathing now. His eyes were locked desperately with mine, but I doubted he could even see me through the tears forming in his eyes.

After a few seconds, Dan finally fell to the floor and quickly pulled his legs up to his chest.

"Don't… Don't touch me!" he yelled into his knees while holding tightly around his legs. His whole body tensed up and he started to shake even more.

"I'm not—I _swear_," I tried. But of course he wouldn't believe me. It was already too late for that.

It had been almost two years since Dan was kidnapped. I'd never seen anyone more broken than he was when he first came back. No one could go near him; he would just start throwing stuff and screaming whenever anyone tried. Even though I wanted to be there for him so badly, I just couldn't handle it at the time. I had to take a break and give him some space to recover, for both of our sakes. Or else I would end up being just as broken as Dan.

After a month in hospital, he came home, and I started to visit him every now and then. But it was still difficult. Sometimes, even though I'd be standing at the other end of the room, not anywhere near close enough to reach him, he would freak out and scream at me to stop touching him.

But I wanted nothing more than to help him, so of course, I stayed. He wasn't just my friend—he was my boyfriend. I couldn't leave him, no matter how much he would scream at me to stay away. I would go home crying after every visit. Crying not only for the boyfriend_ I_ had lost, but for the life_he_ had lost. He didn't deserve to be scared all the time. He didn't deserve the pain he was feeling. I felt so helpless and lost, not knowing how to make it better.

I remember the first time I got to touch him. We were playing cards on his bed, both sitting as far away from each other as possible. I reached out for a card and our hands briefly stroked against each other. Dan immediately pulled back and started rubbing the place I'd touched him, as if I had burned him. I apologized a million times and assured him that I wouldn't do it again, but he just smiled. It was like opening a door into his world of isolation. After that I was allowed to touch his hand, but anything more than that and he would start panicking again.

I tried to tell myself that it would get better over time. That he just needed time…

"It's only me and you, Dan. Do you wanna talk?" I tried.

"W-why is this ha-happening?" He struggled to form the words through his sobs.

"It's fine. I—"

"It's not fine!" he screamed, throwing his hands up over his ears.

I sat down in front of him, being sure to keep a safe distance, and just watched as he curled more and more into himself.

"I would never lay a hand on you. I'm nothing like them—you know that," I started. I just had to keep talking, even hoping my voice would be able to calm him down.

"It's just me and you, Dan. Nobody else is here. Just follow me, okay? Can you do that?" I lowered my voice as much as possible and took a deep breath, holding it for a second before exhaling. I repeated that until Dan began to follow my instructions and take deep breaths along with mine.

"Keep going." I smiled and took another deep breath. Surprisingly, he listened to me and did his best to keep up.

"W-why can't they j-just leave me a-alone?" Dan sobbed as he rested his head back against the wall behind him.

"Who?"

"The memories!" he cried.

"Do you wanna tell me what happen?" I hated to ask because I most of all just wanted to get away from the subject and think about anything else. But I had to know what his triggers were so that I could help him avoid them or work on them when he was ready.

"The s-substitute looked like my-" He stopped and closed his eyelids tightly together. "The kidnapper," he choked and opened his eyes back up. Now even glassy than before and soon overflowed with tears. "E-everything was just falling over me. An-and the test! And he was… and I c-couldn't!"

"Hey, shh… It's fine," I assured him. I sighed softly in concern while I waited for him to continue.

"It has been two years, Ph-phil.." he sobbed and tried his best not to look directly at me.

"And?" I asked softly.

"I'm suppose to h-handle this n-now."

"No you aren't, Dan. Who's saying that?"

"Me.." He replied shortly."I r-ruin e-everything!" he cried out and hid his head in his palms.

"How can you ruin everything, Dan? What happened to you was not your fault," I tried. The desire to just crawl across the floor and hold him in my arms until he stopped crying was so strong that it made my fingers tingle. I longed to make the pain fade away until he could smile again. It took all my energy to hold myself back; I was only allowed to use words.

"It's my fault you're out here," he sobbed on. "Even though we h-have an important test and it's my fault my parents can't go out because I'm too scared to b-be alone and everyone's life just stopped and I won't ever be able to get a normal life again and be independent and-and… I don't deserve this!"

"Sitting here with you is more important to me than any school tests in the world, okay?" I reassured. "This isn't just your life—it's mine too, so no matter how many times you tell me to stay away I'll always come back and sit with you. You're the most important test I'm taking and I swear to God that I won't fail."

I paused for a moment to look him over carefully. His breathing had calmed down enough to sound normal and the colour was slowly coming back to his cheeks.

"I won't let anything bad happen to you ever again," I said firmly. "Do you trust me?"

Dan bit into his lower lip. His breaths had turned into heavy hiccups and his whole body was moving along with them as he kept crying silently.

"You're right. You only deserve happiness and beauty in your life. Not bad memories and fear…"

Dan released himself and stretched his legs out on the floor in front on him. I smiled a little to myself. I had managed to calm him down enough to open up. That was always the hardest step and it made me happy that we'd succeeded.

"Everything is going to be fine, Dan. I don't mind being here… Really," I assured him. Over time, I had learned to not mind these types of situations. They still scared the hell out of me, but I knew he would be alright, so they weren't that big of a deal to me anymore. Now it was just a part of our lives.

He nodded slowly, taking a couple of strenuous breaths. I smiled at him to let him know that everything was okay before I watched him slide a foot across the floor in my direction. He stopped his movements and hesitantly moved his gaze to the floor below.

I stayed completely still, not really sure what he was about to do. I just kept watching him as he moved another foot.

"Should we go home?" I asked, trying to get a normal conversation started with him. "I could call your mum?"

Dan started to shake again as he came closer. But he seemed determined in his actions, so I didn't question anything.

Not until he was sitting on his knees right in front of me, that is. He twisted and untwisted his fingers around each other, nervously glancing around himself, like he was afraid someone else was in the room with us. I looked questioningly at him, not really sure what I should expect next.

Dan unsurely stretched his shaking hand towards the top of my chest to quickly stroke against it, before pulling his hand back again. He stayed still, like he was waiting for something to happen, so I did my best not to move or make a sound.

I unwillingly held my breath with excitement until I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

He did it again, slower this time. I didn't dare to even inhale. Not before I felt Dan wrap his arms around my torso—in an awkward position as we were still on the floor. He was getting closer and closer until he was almost leaning against me.

I closed my eyes into his touch, just breathing in his smell. It'd been almost two years since I'd last hugged him. I had missed this more than anything. Being so close to him. I could still hold his hand, but this was something completely different. Being so close to the person I truly loved did something to me. All my worries seemed to wash away. Pain didn't exist.

He was only loosely holding onto me. Not too tight—just perfect.

I laid a hand on his back, being careful not to hold him close so he would be uncomfortable. He needed to be able to pull back if it got too much, so I just placed my hand on him. He tensed a little by the touch, but stayed still.

"You're hugging me," I whispered thickly. I wasn't really sure if I was about to cry or just overwhelmed with all the emotions. He trusted me enough to let me touch him. I was actually touching him.

"Hm…" he breathed out tensely, before pulling back, allowing me to get my hands free so I could dry my eyes with the end of my sleeve.

"D-did I do something?" Dan widened his eyes when he noticed the tears.

"No, no, no. Not at all, Dan. No…" I quickly assured him. " It's just… You hugged me." I smiled.

"I did…" Dan nodded and took a few deep breaths. "Yeah…"

He looked a little uncomfortable. I wanted nothing more than to just get him back in my arms, but I knew I couldn't push him. This was the biggest step I'd seen him take in a long time, and just a small mistake could ruin it.

"Thank you." I smiled.

"Why are you saying thank you?" Dan smiled shyly and sniffed a couple of times, still a bit messed up from crying. "It's me who should thank _you_, Phil," he said in a small voice.

"You're doing so well, Dan, and I'm so proud of you…" I whispered and smiled widely.

**thend**

* * *

**A/N:** I know that something about Phil being the hurt one is kinda missing. BUT i write what i feel like writing in the moment i write. And nothing interesting has caught my attention at the moment. So I am truly fucking sorry….

**Follow for more Phanfiction!(^_^)**


End file.
